Your Guide to Raising Your HalfVampire Kid
by PandasWithBazookas
Summary: When Otis Otis agreed on raising 3-year old Vladimir Tod he had no idea how much trouble he was in for, and no, killing Vlad won't help, it won't impress Nelly.
1. Rules 1 to 3

**Yes it's finally here! The official guide to raising your own half vamipre kid! *cue cheering***

**Vlad:kay now I'm nervous**

**Me:I'll mostly be torturing Otis more than Vlad so don't worry Vlad!**

**Vlad:umm thanks?**

**I actually had to retype this whole thing so sorry if it's not that good I rushed the second time. Also I know I said no more new stories until I finish my crossover but screw the promise.**

**Vlad:language**

**Also Vlad's not gonna be an emo little kid, he's gonna be a hyperactive kid because how many emo toddlers do you actually know.**

**Disclaimer:I own zilch. nada nothing.**

* * *

_Rule 1: thou must not allow your half-vampire kid to feed from humans (at least not until they're teenagers..)_

* * *

"Please?" Tomas asked.

"No," Otis Otis shook his head, "I'm not going to baby-sit your two year old kid."

"He's three," Tomas automatically corrected, "Besides, it's the only way to keep Vlad safe."

"I don't care," Otis said stubbornly.

"Otis, he's a good kid, and he won't cause much trouble," Tomas pleaded.

"He's causing a lot of trouble in Elysia," Otis retorted.

"Please, I promise he's a good kid," Tomas begged.

Hating himself for saying this Otis glared at his brother, "Fine, for how long?"

Tomas grinned sheepishly, "A couple years or so?"

"No! I refuse!" Otis said, "A week at the most, but not a couple of years!"

"Otis you said so!" Tomas protested, "and quiet down, Vlad's upstairs taking his nap!"

"I hate you," Otis grumbled, "and if that kid dare calls me daddy you're dead."

"As if, you're not cool enough to be called daddy," Tomas smirked.

"Just get the kid," Otis grumbled.

A few minutes later Tomas was about to introduce his son to Otis when Vlad interrupted him.

Did he say something that convinced Otis watching the kid may not be so bad after all? Of course not.

"Daddy! Thewe's a weird man in the house!" he told his father the second he saw Otis.

Otis face-palmed.

"Vlad, that 'weird man' is your uncle, he's going to be taking care of you while I'm away for a while."

"You're leaving?" Vlad asked sadly.

Tomas nodded, "You'll be a good kid for Otis alright?" Tomas told him.

Vlad nodded, and while Vlad played with a toy tiger, Tomas explained the rules of the house to Otis and when he got to the rule about no killing humans Otis laughed, "You're kidding me right? How do you guys eat?"

"No, no killing humans," Tomas said, "He can't even pronounce his r's and l's properly and you want him going around killing people? That's just messed up. Right Vlad?"

"Wight!" Vlad confirmed, "Kiwing's bad," he told his uncle.

Tomas explained to Otis about Nelly, and how she'll help him, but she was currently at a conference for her work and she'll be gone for at least a week. Otis Otis was not a happy camper when he found out his brother told a human about vampires.

"I have to go now," Tomas told his family, checking his watch, "I have flight to Italy, I'm leading a false trail for Em and her followers."

"Bye daddy," Vlad said sadly, making his toy tiger wave.

Tomas said goodbye to his family and left.

* * *

_Rule 2: thou must not leave thy half-vampire kid unattended._

_

* * *

_

Otis stared out the window for about five minutes wondering what just happened to his life. Vlad stared at his uncle curiously.

"How long will daddy be gone?" he asked.

"I don't know," Otis grumbled.

"One hour?" Vlad suggested.

"I wish."

"Two hours?"

"No."

"Three hours?"

"No."

Vlad paused to consider this, "A hudwed billion, trillion, million, thousand hours?" he asked.

"Yeah, something like that kid," Otis shrugged.

Vlad frowned musing over this new fact, but not before he brightened again, "Do you like tigews?" he asked excitedly.

"They're okay I guess," Otis answered.

"I like tigews," Vlad chattered happily, "This is Stwipes," he said showing his uncle his toy stuffed tiger, "he's a tiger. Newwy said tigews awe weally cats."

"I know," Otis replied.

Vlad paused and frowned at his uncle, "You're boring," he declared.

Otis was about to reply with, _well you're annoying_, but then he realized how childish that was.

"Go play with your tiger and leave me alone," he told his nephew.

Vlad instantly cheered up and ran outside the house, slamming the door with a thud.

Otis paused for a few minutes, enjoying every second of quiet when he realized that Tomas would kill him if he let his son go missing. Sighing, he walked outside.

"Vlad!" he called, "Where are you?"

"Hi uncle Otis!" he hears the gleeful cry of his nephew.

Good news: he found Vlad

Bad news: Vlad was on top of the roof.

"How'd you even get up there?" Otis complained, "It's not fair!"

Vlad giggled and Otis glared at him, "This isn't funny!"

"Should I jump down?" Vlad offered.

"NO! Don't jump down," Otis commanded, "I'll come up and get you."

Vlad nodded, Otis scanned around for any mortals who might be watching, and when he saw none he levitated onto the roof. Looking around Otis realized that Vlad had disappeared again. Otis face-palmed.

Looking at the ground Otis spotted Vlad sitting contently on the front steps of his house.

Otis face-palmed, and levitating onto the ground he sighed, this was going to be a long day.

* * *

_Rule 3: thou must tell a bedtime story to get yur half-vampire kid to go to sleep._

* * *

Gratefully, it wasn't long before it was Vlad's bedtime.

"I'm not sleepy!" Vlad declared, playing with Striped the stuffed tiger.

"It's bedtime!" argued Otis.

Vlad frowned, "Are you good at telling bedtime stories?" he asked.

"Oh no, I am not telling you a bedtime st-"

"Then I'm not tired!" Vlad insisted.

"Fine I'll tell you a story," Otis relented.

Vlad grinned triumphantly.

"Once upon a time there were three bears-"

"Heawd that stowy," Vlad interrupted.

"Fine, once there was a girl called little red riding hood-"

"Heawd that one too," Vlad chirped.

Otis face-palmed.

"Why don't you make a stowy?" Vlad suggested, "Daddy does."

"Fine once there was a kid-"

"Is the kid a boy or a girl?" Vlad interrupted again.

"Umm boy, so one day the boy-"

"What the boy's name?" Vlad wondered out loud.

"The boy's name is Boy," Otis said, getting really annoyed.

"Why is his name Boy?"

"His parents were too lazy to think of another name."

"Poor boy," Vlad sympathized.

"Okay so one day's Boy's parents left-"

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"But you're telling the stowy, you should know!" Vlad insisted, Vlad paused for a second, "Stripes said you're bad at telling stowies."

"They left because of a meeting!" Otis shouted exasperated, "So they but ummm Oswald in charge."

"Who's Oswald?"

"The dad's brother."

"So Oswald the Great-"

"Why is he called Oswald the Gweat?" Vlad inquired.

"Because I said so, so one day Oswald the Great got so annoyed by Boy that he left Boy to take care of himself and Boy died. The end."

Vlad frowned, and Otis immediately began to worry he was going to cry, "Look Vlad-"

"That was the worst stowy evew!" The toddler proclaimed.

"Okay are you ready to go to sleep now?" Otis asked.

Vlad shook his head, "You have to check the closet for monsters," he instructed Otis.

Otis was about to protest when he thought better of it, "No monsters," he reported.

"Now you have to say goodnight," Vlad told him.

Otis said goodnight.

"Now I say goodnight, goodnight," Vlad said sweetly.

Otis nodded and fled downstairs to the safety of the living room, he was about to relax when-

"Uncle Otis, you forgot to say goodnight to Stripes!"

Otis face-palmed again.

**Wow five face-palms in the first chapter... YEAH!**

**Vlad:good job...?**

**Me:Thanks, and yes there will be Otis/Nelly romance for all you romantic fans. (if Vlad doesn't ruin it...) so not only does it have your own guide to raising half vampire kids it also tells you how to get a girl! Well then again it only works if the girl works at a blood bank and you're a vampire and raising a half-vampire kid... So if you fill all these requirements congragulations!**

**Review for little Vlad and his toy tiger Stripes! Also if any of you have good ideas for me to use I'll be really grateful and you'll hava a mention in the chapter that I used you idea in. **


	2. Rules 4 to 6

**Yes! 12 reviews! You guys are awesome! Give yourself a hug for being so awesome! **

**I decided to make this a review challenge. I will update at once a week but if I get ten or more reviews I'll update twice before next week, but if I get less than three reviews I won't update the next week cause I'm a review pig. For those of you who read my other stories you know I don't update weekly so this will be a challenge for me. I'll probably update on Mondays and Thursday most of the times.**

**Vlad:Wait you're actually going to do this?**

**Me:Yeah amazing for a procrastinator like me.**

******Also I'm still not sure if this story's going to follow twelfth grade kill's plot or not so don't ask.**

******Special thanks to crazyx-xjayjay for the idea in the beginning of this chapter and wrothmonk for being the first to review an giving me the Calvin and Hobbes idea I never noticed that before but now that I do I'll definately use some Calvin and Hobbes moment.**

* * *

Rule 4: there is only one thing that can help you fight against the antics of half-vampire children:coffee.

* * *

Otis yawned tiredly, waking up in the morning instead of night was going to take a lot of getting used to. Fortunately for him the little terror, aka Vlad, was still fast asleep. Deciding that surviving Vlad's antics can be fought with only one weapon: coffee.

Still yawning, he headed into the kitchen and hurriedly made some coffee, taking a sip, he burned his tongue and decided to let it cool. He headed into the living room and decided to rest, if only for a moment. Closing his eyes and relaxing on the living room's couch he, fell asleep

* * *

_Rule 5: if the half-vampire kid get the coffee then... well then good luck._

* * *

"Past! Futuwe! Past! Futuwe! Past! Futuwe," Otis woke up to the sound of Vlad's gleeful cry.

Vlad was practically vibrating with energy, running between the kitchen and the living room dragging his stuffed tiger behind him, "Past! Futuwe! Past! Fu-"

"What are you doing?" Otis demanded.

Vlad grinned at him innocently, "Time twaveling," he replied, he pointed to the digital clocks, still vibrating.

Otis followed Vlad's gaze and saw the living room clock read 10:45 and the other in the kitchen 10:51.

Otis groaned. "Past! Futuwe! Past! Nowmal!" Vlad declared putting a foot on each room.

"Vlad-"

Past! Futuwe! Past Futuwe! No-"

"Vlad?"

"Past! Futuwe! Past! Futuwe!"

"Vlad!"

"Nowmal! Past! Futuwe! Past! Futuwe! Nowmal!" Vlad chanted.

"Vladimir Tod shut up!" Otis roared.

Vlad stared at Otis in horror and then screamed shouting, "You said a bad word!" The toddler ran through the halls hollering on the of his lungs.

"No I didn't!" Otis argued.

"Yes you did!" Vlad insisted from across the halls, "You said the s-word!"  
"I didn't say shi- uh I mean shoot," Otis told him.

"Not that word!" Vlad said in exasperation with annoyance only a three year old could muster, "The othew one."

"Which bad word?"

Vlad shook his head refusing to repeat the word.

Suddenly it dawned on Otis, "Oh you mean shut up," he nodded.

"You said it again!" Vlad shrieked.

"Shut up's not a bad word," Otis debated.

Unfortunately for Otis, Vlad started chanting, "You said a bad word! You said a bad word! You said a bad word!"

"SHUT UP!"

"You said it-"

Before Vlad could reply the doorbell rang, Otis gave Vlad a glare that meant certain death if the toddler didn't shut his mouth.

Otis opened the door revealing a pretty human woman with brown hair. The human looked quite startled at what she had heard from outside the house/

"Aunt Newwy!" Vlad cheered gleefully, running up to the human, "Uncle Otis said a bad word! It's weawy bad!"

Otis wanted to face-palm, for some strange reason he wanted to impress this human.

The human was the first to react, "Hi, I'm Nelly, and you must be Tomas's brother," the woman smiled, it was a forced smile, but at least she was trying. She stuck out her hand from him to shake.

She seemed oddly calm for a person who had just met a blood sucking demon of the night.

"Umm Otis Otis," the vampire introduced himself.

"Pleasure."

Vlad stared at Nelly expectantly as if he wanted Nelly to yell at Otis for saying a bad word, "Aunt Newwy," he whined, "Otis said a bad word!"

"I heard," Nelly nodded, "from across the streets." Oops he hadn't been that loud had he?

"But-but he was annoying!" Otis stuttered, "he can't on running around the house saying 'past, future, past, future-" he mentally slapped himself for sounding so childish.

"And nowmal," Vlad added helpfully.

Nelly stared at the two vampires, and shrugged, "Well did you have breakfast yet Vlad?" she asked changing the topic.

Otis knew he'd be in trouble once Vlad said no, now the little vampire will seem like a deprived child.

To Otis's surprise (not to mention Nelly's) Vlad nodded happily. Otis gave a sigh of relief, that is until Otis noticed the huge mess in the kitchen, bags of chips and cookies had been opened and emptied, not to mention his cup of coffee had been drank.

"Oh shi- I mean shoot," Otis corrected himself.

"Why does Uncle Otis keep on saying shi and changing the word?" Vlad inquired tilting his head.

Nelly didn't answer, she was too busy staring at the huge mess.

She turned to face Otis, "I really don't know why Vlad's acting like this, he's usually such an angel."

_Yeah right, _Otis thought.

She smiled, "Why don't we just clean up this mess?"

Otis nodded, agreeably.

Vlad sat on a chair placidly playing with Stripes, his sugar high finally leaving, "Newwy?" he asked, "Can we see Amenti?"

Nelly paused for a second and nodded, "Sure you and Otis can come to my house after you apologize to Otis for making a mess."

"I sowwy," Vlad said to Otis, he paused and added, "Stwipes says he's sorry too. It was his idea."

He paused for a second as if listening to what the toy tiger was saying before he said, "Yes it is," he told the toy tiger, "it was youw idea to have the chips for bweakfast. Stop lying."

Otis watched as Vlad launched into a heated debate with Stripes.

"Is that normal for little kids?" he asked Nelly, "or is he just a little bit... crazy?"

Nelly laughed, "Yes, don't worry. As a nurse I've seen thousands of kids talk to their toy."

"So maybe all little kids are just crazy," Otis concluded.

"I don't cawe if you wanna be called Stwipes the supweme tigew of the worwld," Otis heard Vlad tell the stuffed tiger, "I'm just cawwing you Stwipes, the othew name is too long." Vlad stuck his tongue out at the toy, he turned to the adults, "Stwipes isn't Stwipes the supweme tigew of the wowld no mattew what he says," Vlad turned to scowl at the tiger, "Well you still awen't."

Otis turned to gesture at the little boy in a _see-didn't-I-tell-you-he-was-crazy?_ kind of way. Nelly just laughed again.

"Trust me you'll get used to how Vlad acts," she assures him.

_Right, just like you can get used to toxic acid burning your skin_, Otis thought darkly.

Nelly turned to get up, "I have to go wash my hands," she says, her hands dirty with chip crumbs. She turned to leave for the bathroom.

* * *

_Rule 6:If things go bad duct tape your hlaf-vampire kid's mouth_

Vlad turned inquiringly at Otis, "Do you wike Newwy?" he asked unexpectedly.

"What? No! Of course not!" Otis said, "I mean I guess I like her as a friend, and we just met less than an hour ago!"

"That's what Stwipes said," Vlad continued, "But do you wike her?"

"She's pretty but-"

Vlad turned to mumble something to Stripes before turning to Otis, "Stwipes still says you wike her."

"But we're just friends!" Otis protested.

At that moment Nelly stepped in looking confused.

"Aunt Newwy guess what?" Vlad shouted excitedly, "Uncle Otis wikes you!"

**Hahaha my pathetic attempt at a cliffhanger.**

**Wow I killed my spell check with this chapter... Can little kids tell time? Anyway I got the idea because that actually happened to me and my cousin when we were on a sugar high. I annoyed my younger sibling. ;..;**

**Review if you thinks Stripes the stuffed toy tiger is awesome.**


	3. Vladified fairytales and rules 7 to 10

**Sorry, sorry, I know I'm a day late but I've been busy and fanfics been acting weird and it wouldn't let me log in sometimes.**

**Vlad:excuses excuses.**

**Me:it's true!**

**Disclaimer:Zilch.**

**Me: also this story contains something I like to call Vladified fairtales. I was on a sugar high when I got the idea so if it's really weird well then THAT'S THE POWER OF THE SUGAR HIGH!**

* * *

_Rule 7: never threaten a toddler in front of a nurse._

* * *

Otis stuttered some excuse and asked Nelly if she can wait outside the house for a minute, the human frowned but agreed. Once he heard the door slam he whirled to glare at Vlad. That toddler had just told Nelly he liked her.

"Vlad," he said in a controlled voice hiding his rage, "I am going to bury you alive and dance on your grave."

Vlad tilted his head and frowned, "what does that mean?" the toddler asked in confusion.

Otis took a deep breath, all self control vanishing, "Vladimir Tod," he said, his anger ready to explode any second now, "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" he roared in anger.

Vlad, even though he was only three understood what that meant, clutching his stuffed tiger he ran away but not before letting out a small, "Uh-oh."

Otis charged after the toddler, "You better run for your life!" he bellowed, "because the moment I catch you you're dead!"

Vlad paused only for a second to retort with, "Kiwwings bad!" before scampering off again.

"I don't care!" Otis screamed half mad with anger.

"That's bad too!" Vlad added childishly.

Racing through the halls Vlad escaped to the safety of outside.

"You're dead!" Otis shouted running after his, "I will kill-" Otis's voice broke off. Oh great just great, he just had to threaten the kid right in front of Nelly.

* * *

_Rule 8: results may vary. Writer is not responsible for any insults or injuries etc. etc. if you follow these rules._

* * *

Nelly stood there her hands on her hips and her lip frowned in disapproval while Vlad cowered behind her.

"Umm well, hi Nelly," Otis stammered, "You see I was just-"

"Kiwwings bad!" Vlad screeched from behind Nelly.

"Umm yes, well I was just umm, you see," Otis's voice trailed off. What was he supposed to say: _oh hey Nelly, can you move a bit to the right so I can kill that miserable excuse for a life form hiding behind your back_?

Otis knew, and hopefully you do to, that was not the best pickup line.

Nelly's expression didn't change, her frown deepened and she sighed, "We're having dinner at my house," was all she said.

Nelly turned around to talk to Vlad to see if the half-vampire was alright. Inside, Otis grinned, Nelly had asked him to dinner, _sure_ she only asked him to make sure he couldn't kill Vlad that evening, and if he did she'll be a witness, but hey, if you made a bad first impression on the girl you liked by threatening to kill a toddler in front of her you can't be that picky.

* * *

_Rule 9: be careful about what bedtime stories you read to your half-vampire kid._

* * *

Otis sighed in contentment at the car ride home, Vlad had fallen asleep in the backseat so Otis can enjoy some peace and quiet, and dinner at Nelly's wasn't so bad either, sure her steak was horrible, but at least she didn't call the cops for trying to kill Vlad.

Otis picked Vlad up as he entered back into his- no, not his, Tomas's house. Vlad stirred in sleep and his eyes fluttered open.

He looked around back at his surroundings, "How did I get hewe?" he frowned in confusion.

Otis sighed in irritation, "I drove you back home after you fell asleep," he explained.

"Nooo," Vlad argued, "no you didn't."

"Yes I did," Otis replied patiently, "how else would you get here?"

Vlad frowned, deep in thought, "You'we a kidnnappew," he decided.

"So what you're saying is that I kidnapped you and brought you back to your own house?" Otis asked incredulously. Vlad nodded in confirmation.

"Kidnapping's bad," Vlad told his uncle solemnly.

"Look," Otis sighed in annoyance, "If I had to kidnap a kid, I would rather kidnap any other child on the planet instead of you."

Vlad paused to consider this, "Oh," then he instantly brightened, "Okay!"

Otis groaned, were all kids this stupid?

Pretty soon Vlad had brushed his teeth and gotten changed into his dinosaur pajamas.

"Bedtime stowy?" he asked hopefully.

"No."

"Please?" Vlad asked.

"No."

"Pwetty, pwetty please?" Vlad pleaded. Otis was about to open his mouth to refuse again when Vlad used every tool some child must've used at least once in their life: the Bambi eyes.

Otis groaned, he cursed at whoever created the puppy look, "Fine, find a book you want me to read."

Vlad gave an excited shout and ran to the shelves of books in his family's library. Not long afterwards he returned with a book called _Vampire Fairytales._

"I newer heawd this stowy befowe," he told Otis.

Otis raised an eyebrow, unusual name for a book. He opened the book and read the first story in the book, Little Pink Riding Hoodie.

"So once upon a time there was a human called Miranda Bakerstone who wore a pink hoodie wherever she went so people called her little pink riding hoodie. On day little pink riding hoodie went to visit her grandmother. While on her walk she met a vampire who pretended to a human called Danny the Devil.

Vlad frowned, "That's a weidew name than Boy."

"Yeah well that's life," Otis shrugged.

"So one day the guy's who we'll just call the devil guy because the writer was simply too lazy to write his full name down asked pink riding hoodie where she was going," Otis read, "little pink riding hoodie told him she was going to see her grandmother and foolishly told the devil guy where her grandmother lived. So the devil guy using his vampire speed went to the grandmother's house he drank the grandmother's blood."

Vlad's eyes were huge at the part, "Kiwwing humans bad!" he declared.

"It's just a story," Otis shrugged.

Continuing, Otis read, "After little pink riding hoodie arrived to her grandmother's home and the vampire was about to eat her when she screamed and a hunter called Josiah, who happened to be in the woods heard her scream came to her rescue and attacked the vampire who ran away. They then took the grandmother to a blood bank run by a woman called Mellie, and the grandmother got better and they all lived happily ever after. Except for the devil guy he sulked in a random corner. The end."

Vlad's eye twitched, "That's ewen worse than your stowy!" he exclaimed.

Otis nodded in agreement, "what kind of sick demented freak would write something like that?"

**Vlad:What was that?**

**Me: *nervous laugh* that's the result of sugar highs. So did you hate or like the bedtime story? Yes I know it's stupid but if you guys enjoyed it I'll add some more Vladified fairytales.**

**Here's a sneak peek at the next chapter. Just five words:**

"Uncle Otis, Stwipes is missing!"

**Interested? Then review guys!**


	4. The Search for Stripes Rules 11 to 13

**11 reviews for this chapter whoo! So early update! Also Otis did not steal Stripes trust me.**

**Vlad:I never trust you**

**Disclaimer:If I did own CoVT I would've made Vlad go crazy with power when he found out he was the Pravus.**

* * *

_Rule 11: thou must not let thy half-vampire kid lose their stuffed animal_

* * *

Otis Otis woke up to the sound of his nephew screaming bloody murder. Otis jumped out of bed with a start. As much as the half-vampire annoyed him he couldn't let the kid die. What if Em had found the kid?

The vampire raced upstairs, "Vlad I'm coming!" he shouted, "Are you okay?" Otis reached Vlad's room and threw the door open with a flourish. What he saw made his mouth drop open.

Vlad's room was a mess, toys scattered everywhere on the floor, toy chests thrown open and their contents spilled onto the floor.

_Darn it_, Otis thought, _I should've known those vampire fairytales would give him nightmares_.

"Look Vlad there is no evil vampire in this room who's going to-" Otis began.

"Uncle Otis Stwipes is missing!" Vlad screamed, near hysteria.

Otis groaned and glanced at a clock in the room, "You woke me up at 5:16 in the morning to tell me that?"

Vlad nodded solemnly, "We need to find Stwipes or else!" he said frantically.

"We'll find him... later," Otis told his worried nephew.

Vlad rolled his eyes and put his hands to his hips looking as serious as a toddler can be about a lost stuffed animal, "Stwipes is missing!" Vlad repeated as if Otis didn't understand how serious the problem was, which of course, he didn't, "He can be cold and all alone and you wanna take a nap?" Vlad gave his uncle the you-sicken-me-you-heartless-monster look.

Otis rolled his eyes, and decided he had to resort to little kid speak, "Well Vlad, you see Stwipes- I mean Stripes," great now the kid was ruining his grammar, "is probably taking a surprise vacation, I'm sure he'll be back soon."

Vlad raised his eyebrow in an are-you-kidding-me? kind of look, "Stwipes wouldn't do that," he frowned, "he too wazy to go on wacation without me."

Otis face-palmed.

"We have to find him now!" Vlad said urgently, "he might'we been kidnapped!"

"Vlad no one would want to kidnap your stuffed tiger," Otis said calmly.

Vlad took a deep breath and Otis instantly knew what was going to happen, Vlad was going to cry, and Otis had less than two seconds to make up his mind.

Option 1:mind your own business and the kid will start crying his eyes out and make your life a lot more difficult.

Option 2:help Vlad find the stuffed tiger and stop the kid from crying.

"Alright I'll help you!" Otis declared, which was probably the smartest thing he had said since he had started taking care of Vlad.

Vlad instantly calmed down, but not by much, "Then we have to find him right now!" the toddler dragged his uncle out of his room and the two began to search the house for the striped tiger.

"Stwipes!" Vlad called, "Where are you?" he looked expectantly at his uncle, and Otis groaned.

"Where are you Stripes?" Otis asked unenthusiastically feeling like a total idiot.

After about an hour of searching Otis was left with a messy house and Vlad was still tigerless.

"He must be so scawed," Vlad sniffled gloomily.

* * *

_Rule 12-most babysitters are evil._

* * *

Otis nodded, he had hoped the search would've ended sooner, when suddenly he was struck with a brilliant idea, but first he needed a babysitter. Otis mentally cursed that Nelly would be at work right now, he sighed and got a phonebook. Browsing through the pages until he found a babysitter and dialed the number.

"Hello, this is Keith" answered a bored sounding teenage boy, "What do you want?"

"I need a babysitter for my nephew and I was wondering-"

The teenager sighed in annoyance and Otis heard him curse under his breath, "Where's the kid?" the teenager asked in exasperation.

Otis told him the address, "I'll be there in like ten minutes or so," the teenager grumbled.

Exactly twenty two minutes and eighteen seconds the babysitter arrived, an annoyed looking teenager who looked like all muscle and no brains type.

"Where's the kid?" Keith grumbled.

Otis shrugged, "in the house somewhere."

Keith shot him an annoyed look, "Thanks for the help," he said sarcastically.

Otis sighed and called, "Vlad, come down here!"

Vlad slowly walked downstairs and when he saw Keith Vlad frowned, "No!" he shouted, "babysitters are bad!"

Otis didn't reply, careful not to remind Vlad that he was babysitting Vlad until Tomas returned, he left the house but not before he heard Keith think, _man I can't believe I have to spend my weekends babysitting some dumb kid. If only my parents had agreed to lend me for my car repairs and that old man's mailbox. It's not my fault the brake wasn't working when I hit the mailbox._ Followed by some string of curse words that I am not allowed to write because this is a rated K+ story.

Otis frowned in disapproval, and told himself he'll make this trip fast. Driving to a mall. When he finally reached his destination he quickly found his way to a toy store, and scoured the place for a toy tiger, it had took him a while but he had finally found Stripe's look alike, both made by the Zooka toy Corp.

Quickly paying the cashier for the toy Otis drove back home at full speed, praying neither Vlad nor Keith had burned down the house.

Thankfully, the house wasn't falling apart when he arrived, unfortunately he heard many shouting inside the house, racing inside .

Vlad and Keith were having a huge debate, Keith looked up at the sight of Otis.

"You're kid's a freak, he freaking somehow was on top of the fridge and then he-"

"You said a bad word!" Vlad interrupted.

"Shut up kid," Keith glowered.

Vlad scowled and kicked him hard on his ankle, and unfortunately for all those Keith hating people reading this, not where it hurts, fortunately Vlad had a pretty strong kick for a three year old and Keith winced in pain and hopped on one leg, Otis fought hard to hide a grin.

"Cash or check?" Otis asked warily.

Keith grinned, this is what he was in for, "Thirty-five dollars, and cash."

"I was gone for less than an hour!" Otis protested.

"What can I say, these are tough times," Keith shrugged.

Otis rolled his eyes and reluctantly paid Keith, Keith took the money and walked out of the house with dignity, then he tripped on one of Vlad's toys and fell face first. After that Keith walked out of the house angrily.

Once the teenager was out of view Vlad quipped, "I told you babysitters are bad."

* * *

_Rule 13: imposters don't trick half-vampire kids._

* * *

Otis nodded in agreement and took out the striped tiger from his shopping bag.

Vlad gave an excited shout and hugged Otis and then the tiger, but after examining the tiger further Vlad frowned, "This isn't Stwipes," he told his uncle in disappointment.

"Yes he is," Otis argued.

Vlad shook his head and pointed to the tiger's muzzle, "See, Stwipes got a scratch from Amenti and mommy had to sew him back, but this tiger doesn't."

"But-but," Otis stammered.

Just at that moment Nelly came in the house, Keith had left the door open, "Hey Otis," she smiled sweetly, "I just came to tell Vlad he left Stripes at my house," she said giving Vlad the real Stripes.

Vlad grinned and hugged Nelly. Otis face-palmed.

**Haha epic fail Otis.**

**Keith was actually based on one of my friend's character, who is an awesome writer. And yes, for all of you wondering Zooka Corp. the zooka is short for the bazooka in my penname. So I didn't have time to add Vladified fairytales into this chapter but I will write more, and if you haven't caught on yet the characters in the story are based on the CoVT characters. **

**Me: Vlad was such an awesome little kid.**

**Vlad:thanks**

**me:what happened?**

**Vlad:hey!**

**Me:REVIEW!**


	5. The Attack of Zombies and Rules 14 to 16

**Yeah another early update! If you want another early update you have to get up to 54 reviews.**

**Disclaimer:don't own CoVT**

**Vlad:good**

**Me:*glares*because if I did I could only kill Vlad once. With fanfic I can kill him again, and again and again and again...**

* * *

_Rule 14: long car rides and little half-vampire kids don't mix_

* * *

Otis Otis had never thought he would actually go on a vacation with Nelly and Vlad. Nelly, apparently had yet another doctor's convention that was located near an amusement park, and she insisted on bringing Vlad and Otis along with her.

Otis had of course agreed, however he didn't expect how horrible the car ride will be.

"Are we thewe yet?" Vlad inquired for about the hundreth time.

"No," Otis answered, paying attention to driving the car while Nelly sat next to him, asleep, and Vlad sat in the back row.

"How much longew?" Vlad asked, completely bored.

"Two hours," Otis answered.

"That's a long time," Vlad complained.

"So I've been told," Otis grumbled.

Silence filled the car.

"Are we almost thewe yet?" Vlad asked again.

"Vlad you asked two minutes ago the answer is still the same," Otis replied heatedly, regretting his decision of going on the trip.

"But I'm bored!" Vlad whined.

"Well then talk to Stripes," Otis suggested.

"Stwipes is bored too," Vlad told his uncle matter-of-factly.

"Well then you should talk to each other so you won't be so bored," Otis responded logically.

Vlad scowled, sometimes logic can be so annoying when you're bored.

"But Stwipes fell asleep!" he argued.

"Well then wake Stripes up," Otis told his half vampire nephew.

"Then Stwipes will be mad," Vlad protested.

"I'm mad," Otis retorted.

Silence filled the air, and Otis gave a sigh of relief.

"Uncle Otis?" Vlad asked after a while, the stillness boring him to death.

"Yes?"

"Are we thewe yet?"

Otis Otis face palmed. Isn't it curious how his forehead is never red from all the face palming right?

After a very, very, very long car ride, Otis had reached their hotel, and all was well with the world. For about five seconds.

* * *

_Rule 15: beware the zombies. _

* * *

The very next day Nelly had regretfully left for her convention after making sure Otis and Vlad had enough blood bags for the trip, but Nelly promised she'll spend the rest of her vacation with Vlad and Otis.

So Otis was left alone to take Vlad to the amusement park. Three very long hours passed taking Vlad to the kiddy rides when Otis saw a ride that had that wasn't a kiddy ride, but wasn't a rollercoaster. It was one of those virtual shooting games that you shoot the target, and the target just happened to be zombies.

"Uncle Otis," Vlad asked, "Are you sure this ride isn't scawy?"

Otis nodded, the tour guide had promised that the zombies were cartoons and it was completely suitable for children. After getting on one of the carts with fake guns and 3-D glasses in it a recorded voice boomed, "Prepare for battle."

Vlad gave Otis an anxious look.

"It'll be fine," Otis whispered, "I promise."

Then the first zombie attacked with a bloodcurdling shout.

Sure, it was cartoon, but it was one of those realistic looking cartoons.

Vlad gave a horrified scream as the other riders shot down the zombie, but floods of virtual zombies gatherer around the riders. Vlad shot his fake gun faster than the energizer bunny on a sugar high and steroids could have, all while screaming, "Kill the zombies!" he screamed on the top of his lungs in a terrified voice.

"Vlad it's okay," Otis said frantically, "Just close your eyes, and everything will be okay."

Vlad had time to give his uncle a doubtful look, after all this was the guy who had just taken him to hordes of zombies. Vlad closed his eyes. For about ten seconds Vlad had stopped screaming, then at that moment the ride cart thingy spun around and circles and lunged through the tracks towards the zombies. Vlad opened his eyes and screamed louder than ever. At that moment Otis decided fate hated him.

For a moment the zombie attacks and the cart stopped, and Vlad gave a sigh of relief. Then at that moment a horrible king zombie creature lunged out of nowhere at them. Needless to say the following events contained a lot of shooting and a lot screaming.

Otis Otis was going to kill that employee who said it was suitable for kids.

Once they got off of that ride, Vlad's pale face has lost all color in them, his black eyes wide with fear, several other riders gave Otis the evil eye.

"What were you thinking?" one woman yelled at him, "Taking a toddler on that ride?"

"The worker said it was suitable for kids," Otis protested.

"You're an idiot!" The woman screeched, "Taking a little kid on that ride! What's the matter with you? What kind of father are you?"

Otis was about to argue that he wasn't Vlad's father he was Vlad's uncle and that was completely and utterly different when the woman walked angrily away. Fighting the urge to kill the woman Otis turned his attention towards Vlad, "You okay?" he asked his nephew.

Vlad opened his mouth to talk but nothing came out.

"Vlad, I promise zombies aren't real," Otis said desperately, "they were all fake."

"I hate zombies," Vlad said in a horrified whisper.

* * *

_Rule 16: the only thing thy half-vampire kid will allow thy to kill is zombies._

"Well I promise vampires can defeat zombies any day, besides the zombies on that ride weren't real, they were all fake, every single one of them," Otis said comfortingly, "and if any zombies did exist I will kill them before they hurt you."

For the first time in his very short life, Vladimir Tod didn't protest with, _kiwwings bad!_

Vlad nodded, looking a bit more calm.

"You feeling better?" Otis asked.

Vlad gave a weak nod.

"Good," Otis gave a sigh of relief.

Then at that moment, because the fates hated him, a employee dressed up as a realistic zombie approached.

Vlad screeched in horror, "Zombie!" he screamed, running away, "There's a zombie! Kiww it Uncle Otis! Kiww it!"

Otis Otis face palmed.

**Haha I had a fun tim writing this. **

**Anywho onto other news have any of you guys read my CoVT fic in their memory? It was orginally a oneshot and has two OCs and I decided I wanted to write more with them because of a book I read. I started thinking about how cool it'll be to write about having ghost siblings and eventually I got a plot idea. I was hoping for you guys to read my one-shot and tell me if you liked the character I thought of and if I should continue it or not. I will really appreciate that. If a lot of you say yes then I wil continue it.**

**Review or else zombies shall attack you!**


	6. High on Sharpies and Rules 17 to 19

**Don't kill me! Don't kill me! I'm so so so so so so sorry for taking forever to update. It's extremely hard for me to write family stories. Plus I've been extremely busy.**

**Vlad:yeah, hanging out with her friends busy.**

**Me:that's a lie! ...Sort of... I've also had my tai kwon do lessons, my summer studying (my parents make me study during the summer) and piano. Plus, most of my friends I've been with during the summer are leaving so I won't see them when the school year starts next year!**

**Vlad:your excuses are horrible.**

**Me:*sniffles* I know. *run into the corner of shame, hiding from angry readers***

**Anywho, one time me and my friends were talking about Vlad Tod and everybody else when they were little and we came up with this.**

**Teacher:okay class, what do you want to be when you grow up.**

**Little Henry:I want to be a firefighter!**

**Little Meredith: I want to be a princess.**

**Little Vlad: I want to be normal when- I mean I want to be a vampire, because I'm totally not a half vampire kid *nervous laugh***

**Little Joss: I want to kill all vampires! *Vlad moves away***

**Little me: I want to rule the world! MWHAHAHAHA!**

**Teacher: Wait what?**

**Little me: I mean puppies!**

**...This is probably the longest Author's note ever right?**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

_Rule 17: You'll need patience. Lot, and lots of patience._

* * *

"Do you have to get a job?" Vlad whined for the millionth time.

Otis resisted the urge to strangle his nephew to get him to shut up and simply settled with, "yes. I've answered that before. Money doesn't grow on trees. Besides, I'll be teaching in the same preschool you're going to."

The half-vampire scowled, crossing his arms over his chest, "I don't want you to."

"You don't get a say in it," Otis told him.

"What about Stwipes?" Vlad asked, turning to his stuffed tiger, "he agwees with me."

"Stripes doesn't get a say," his uncle answered.

"Stwipe's will just eat all your students," Vlad threatened.

"I thought you said killing was bad," Otis laughed.

Vlad paused to think this over, "yeah, but Stwipes is a tiger, it's diffwent."

"Oh yeah? Why?" Otis grinned. If he could handle a half-vampire toddler he can, without a doubt, handle a classroom of preschoolers.

Vlad rolled his eyes in annoyance, "Because he's a tiger!" the toddler exclaimed in exasperation.

Otis checked his watch, "I have an interview with one of the workers, I'll have to leave soon. If you want you can go to the school with me."

Vlad paused, thinking it over, "can Stwipes go too?" he inquired.

Otis nodded; grabbing his car keys, "Sure, we have to hurry; I can't be late for this interview."

Vlad considered making Otis late, but then decided against it. Following Otis to the car he asked, not for the first time, "Do you have to get a job?"

Needless to say, Otis Otis facepalmed again.

* * *

"Hello Mr. Otis," said a grinning secretary, "It's such a pleasure to meet you." she said, "We really need extra teachers, you know? The class rooms are overflowing."

Otis returned a polite smile, "Thanks. You don't mind if my nephew comes along do you?" He gestured towards the scowling toddler.

"Oh he's so cute!" the secretary squealed, "What's your name?" she cooed.

Vlad frowned, "I'm not cute," he muttered, hugging his stuffed animal protectively.

The nurse 'awwed' at Vlad's adorability while Vlad's frown deepened as the secretary led Otis to a classroom.

"That women's weird," Vlad muttered to his uncle, in a see-the-freaks-you'll-be-working-with? kind of tone.

"She's just... eccentric," Otis argued.

"What does that mean?" Vlad asked.

Otis sighed, "Fine, she's weird."

"So this is the class you'll be watching, the teacher's out, but she'll be back in an hour or so. Do you think you can handle this class?" the secretary chirped.

"No problem," Otis smiled.

Otis walked into the classroom with Vlad trailing behind him; hugging Stripes for reassurance.

"Hello class my name is Otis Otis," Otis said, standing next to the teacher's desk, which was full of sharpies, crayons, color paper and other art supplies, "I'll be watching you until your teacher gets back." A class of toddlers stared in confusion at their vampire teacher.

A small girl with pigtails raised her hand, "Why are your names the same?"

"Blame my parents, they never were creative," Otis told her. The students continued to stare at Otis in wonder when the secretary walked back in the room.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, "I just realized that I forgot to get you the attendance for the class."

"No problem, we'll just go down and get the file," Otis said agreeably, then glanced at the class, "but what about the class?"

"I asked a teacher next door to keep an eye on them," the woman assured him.

* * *

_Rule 18: never leave your half-vampire children in a room full of other children unattended._

* * *

Vlad watched as the two adults left the room, he glared at the rest of the class. His hand slid into his pocket, hoping to find something useful. The half-vampire pulled out a quarter. Suddenly an idea hit him. Walking to the teacher's desk he pulled out a sharpie.

"Hey everybody!" he shouted to the class, "I'll give money," he held up his quarter to the classroom, "to anybody who can tell me what the sharpies smell like!"

Needless to say, Otis Otis walked back into a classroom full of toddlers high on the scent of sharpie markers.

Otis stared in shock at the hyperactive students, "What happened here?" he demanded.

"Chocolate mangos!" a toddler screamed, laughing hysterically.

Vlad smirked, slipping his quarter back into his pocket, it was pretty obvious no one was going to be winning this contest.

It was also pretty obvious that the real teacher was not happy with Otis's work.

The car trip home was long, "So Vlad," Otis started, "you wouldn't happen to know why all of the students were so..."

"Eccentwic?" Vlad grinned.

"Yes."

Seeing Otis's grim face Vlad's smile faltered, "I'm sowwy," Vlad said, "I didn't want you to get the job."

Otis sighed, "so you used your vampire powers to make them act like this?"

Vlad looked confused, "No... I used sharpies," then he brightened, "but I can do that?"

Otis groaned inwardly, so much for the Pravus not abusing his powers. "Maybe," he said vaguely; troubled by the thought of Vlad becoming the Pravus, Otis decided to change the topic, "so why didn't you want me to get the job?"

"Because you'll be busy and you won't have time for me," Vlad mumbled.

Otis fought back a smile, "Don't worry Vlad, your father made sure I'll watch you, getting a job won't get me off the hook."

* * *

_Rule 19: If you are going to read truamatizing stories make sure it contains big words so your half-vampire child won't understand what you're saying._

* * *

So once again, it was time for another story in the ever dreaded Vampire Fairy Tales book. Otis really needed to get a new book before this one traumatized and scarred Vlad for life.

"So once upon a time there was this girl called Winter White." Otis groaned, why did he feel like this would be a cheap knockoff version of Snow White?

"And she lived a normal life. Now at that time there was a very strange fanfiction writer on the loose, but then the writer was sedated and brought to school." Second sentence already and Otis was already regretting his choice.

Vlad stared expectantly at his uncle to continue reading the story.

_Now around that time the writer was taking a Home Ec. class and was assigned to make an apple pie. Now when the teacher saw the pie, she immediately starting fearing for her life so she told the writer to find someone else to eat the pie. If someone died, she'd get and A, and if it was someone from the school it'll be an A+. Now the writer happily agreed and skipped off until she found Winter White. _

_ "Do you want any pie?" the writer had offered._

_ Now Winter was still sane, so of course she refused._

_ "Let me rephrase the question, would you rather eat my pie or be shot down by my army of pandas with bazookas?"_

_ After thinking for a while Winter reluctantly chose the pie. A second after eating it she fainted. The fanfic writer examined Winter and decided to go and get her A, and if she didn't, well, there was always her pandas with bazookas to fix that problem._

_ After a while a vampire found her and brought her to Melly, the nurse, who saved Winter with her awesome nurse skills, so everybody lived happily ever after. _

_The end._

"Honestly, what were the publishers thinking when the published this?" Otis said in disgust. He glanced at Vlad to make sure the toddler didn't suffer any brain damage.

"What did sedate mean, and rephrase, and sane? What's fanfiction?" Vlad wrinkled his nose in confusion.

Otis gave a sigh of relief, "I'll explain it to you tomorrow," he promised, "Goodnight Vladimir."

"Goodnight dad."

Otis was halfway down the stairs when he realized what Vlad had just called him.

**That was more sappy than funny. Then again, I have a valid excuse! Yiruma's songs were playing on the radio while I was writing this. (Yiruma: romance/classical modern day composer) ****Anywho I promise the following chapters will be funnier. Yes, I will add D'Ablo but I'm saving it for the last chapter of when Vlad's 3. **

**Also thanks for all the wonderful suggestions! **

**REVIEW! You don't want me to get all depressed about the lack of reviews and stop writing for a couple more months do you? *hint hint* However, if I get enough reviews I'll do as much as I can to update next week, or maybe even this week! **

**Review for the sake of Vlad and Stwipes!**


	7. Last Goodbyes and Rules 20 to 22

**IMPORTANT READ: this is the LAST CHAPTER I'm ever writing for fanfiction, I'm not allowed to continue this anymore. *sob* BUT Before all of you kill me, I want you all to know it has been ADOPTED by House-of-Blood! YAY! I put a lot of effort in this and I only had an hour to write this (I have to leave right after posting this)**

**I'm really sorry and I would continue this story if I could but I'm not allowed to. You guys are awesome! 111 freaking reviews! **

**So I was originally planning to just make this an A.N. but then I decided to add some of my favorite unwritten ideas I've planned for this story. I'm not going to leave with people being sad, I want to go out laughing like the insane maniac I am. And joy! Henry and Joss are in it too! For like two paragraphs, but yay anyways!**

**I'm going to miss all of you guys...**

**So behold... *dramatic pause* my last and finaly chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

_Rule 20: no matter how stupid a holiday is, you MUST participate in it or suffer the wrath of your half vampire's puppy face_

* * *

Otis Otis always believed human holidays were weird, take Thanksgiving for example, it was supposed to celebrate a successful harvest and the colonists' friendship with the Native Americans. That would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the tiny fact that the colonists later killed almost all the Native Americans. What was that supposed to teach little kids: 'It's a-okay to annihilate your friends after they've helped you'? Yes, Thanksgiving was not one of Otis's favorite holidays.

There was another holiday that disturbed Otis even more though, Halloween. Oh the irony; a vampire's hating on Halloween. The holiday confused Otis, why were humans celebrating the creatures of the night that wanted to kill them? It was like Little Red's Riding Hood's mother sending her out with a sign saying "eat me". The little kids running around in vampire costumes were practically begging to be bitten.

So it was understandable that Otis was a little annoyed at Vlad when the child was jumping up and down begging his uncle to take him costume shopping.

"No."

"Pwease?" Vlad begged, with his abnormally large puppy eyes and pouting lips.

"You're already a vampire what's the point of dressing up?"

Vlad sighed in frustration, "but uncle Otis nobody knows I'm a vampire!" the toddler protested, "besides, Henry's pawents are letting him dress up and he has a weally cool costume!" Translation: Henry's parents are cooler than you.

Otis facepalmed when he realized Vlad was nowhere done begging.

"What's the matter with letting Vlad go trick or treating?" Nelly asked, looking up from her book, "I'd take him myself but I have a late night shift at the hospital."

Otis opened his mouth to argue but then decided against it, "Fine, but if Vlad dresses up as a werewolf I'm disowning him."

It had taken Vlad exactly two minutes and twenty seven seconds to choose his costume, his tiger costume to be specific. A choice as Vlad put it, 'that Stwipes would really like.'

"Hey Vlad!" Otis watched as an excited little boy ran up to greet his nephew. What was his name again? Herman? Harry? Oh yes, that's right, Henry, "did you chooses a costume yet?"

"Yeah!" Vlad grinned.

* * *

_Rule 21: Make sure you have a lot of duct tape to prevent your half-vampire from saying anything stupid. Lots and lots of duct tape._

* * *

A woman ran to catch up with her son, "Sorry about that," she smiled apologetically, "I didn't know you and Vlad were shopping here too! What a surprise!"

Otis gave a pleasant smile, "Yes, quite a surprise Mrs. McMillan."

"Mom, why can't I get that costume?" another slightly older boy, whined.

"Greg I said no costumes with excessive blood!" Henry's mother shook her head, "little boys can be so..."

Annoyingly hyperactive? Yes, yes they were.

"...Energetic." Not the word that popped into Otis's mind but let's go with that!

"Yeah," Otis nodded. Otis watched in confusion as yet another little boy joined Vlad and Henry's conversation. Didn't Mrs. McMillan only have two sons.

"Oh that's my nephew Joss, his family's staying with us during the fall. His mom's somewhere around here."

The boy Joss, was one of the shy kids that gave quiet one worded answers.

"Joss?" a woman's voice called, a pretty blonde woman appeared.

Joss instantly perked up, "that's my mommy," he told Vlad.

"Your mom's fat." Vlad said blatantly. Otis mentally face-palmed, tomorrow Vlad's having a lesson on good manners.

Joss scowled, "She's not fat! She's pregnant with my little sister!"

His mom laughed, "it's okay Joss, Vlad doesn't know any better."

Joss crossed his arms and glowered at Vlad while Otis fought back his parental instincts to death glare at the little boy.

Before Vlad could say anything that'll embarrass himself, Otis whisked him away to the checkout line with his costume.

Their cashier was a portly tough looking man and Vlad instantly brightened, "are you pregnant?" he asked. Yeah, Vlad definitely needed to learn about a little thing called manners.

In a second the man's face turned to a dark shade of red, "What. Did. You. Say?" the man growled.

Vlad, not taking a hint carried on, "is it a girl or a boy? Did you know my friend's mommy is having a girl?"

Otis gave a nervous laugh, "just ignore my nephew, he can be a bit clueless at times."

"Is your nephew saying what I think he's saying?" the man barked at Otis.

"What's he saying?" Otis asked warily.

"He's saying that I look like a fat woman!" the cashier roared. Otis mused over his options, her could easily beat the guy with his vampire strength but he didn't want to expose Vlad to that much violence, or he could just run away with the costume and Vlad.

Fortunately, the manager appeared, "now Waldo, calm down, deep breathes, you remember what your counselor said about your anger right?"

"Yes," Waldo scowled, roughly shoving Otis the costume he paid for.

"Hey uncle Otis," Vlad said as soon as they left the building.

"Yes?" Otis said, getting really annoyed with Vlad at the moment.

"Can we get some fish?" the toddler inquired.

"For dinner?" Otis asked in confusion.

"No!" Vlad looked horrified at the thought, "for pets!"

"No," Otis said gruffly. It had been the tenth time Vlad had asked for a pet, in a day.

Big mistake, maybe the rumors about Vlad enslaving the world was right, as long as he had his annoyingly cute puppy face.

"Fine, we'll check the pet store, but we're not buying any pets," Otis relented.

They bought a pet. Two, actually. Two betta fish actually. They were easy to take care of, and they were cheap.

Once they reached home Vlad dashed inside, "Aunt Nelly! Aunt Nelly! We bought fishes! We have pets!" Vlad screamed, then towering over Stripes Vlad said in the most serious voice he could muster, "No eating the fishes Stwipes, I'll know if you do."

The two new members of the family were names Swimmy and Spotty. Original, no?

* * *

_Rule 22: beware the cannibalistic species._

* * *

On the very next day, October 31, Vlad dragged Otis outside the house at 7:00 P.M in his striped tiger costume. Holding a bag for the candy on one hand and Stripes on the other. Otis watched as other little monster children ran around dragging their children behind them.

Vlad couldn't stop smiling the whole day, and while Otis was happy Vlad was having a good time, he was desperate to go back home at 9:00, no wait, that's not right he was desperate to go back at 7:01 but it was nine now. Usually, Otis enjoyed the night, he'd be a fail vampire if he didn't, but all the squealing children was giving Otis a headache.

Suddenly a ear piercing scream ran through the night sky; dramatic right? Not to mention it was on Halloween. If you ever hear someone screaming on Halloween night, run the other direction.

"Uncle Otis! KILL IT!" Vlad screamed.

"What?" Otis frowned.

"ZOMBIE! ZOMBIE! ZOMBIE!" Vlad shouted, cowering behind Otis.

Otis watched as a teenager in a zombie costume stared at Vlad in confusion. For Vlad's sake Otis smiled at the teenager and let his fangs extend. The teenager looked horrified before running away screaming.

"Problem solved," Otis grinned. Maybe Halloween wasn't so bad after all.

"It's gone?" Vlad asked peeking out from behind Otis's back.

"It's gone, now let's go home."

After returning home you'd think things would return back to normal, but they didn't. Why aren't the readers surprised?

"Uncle Otis! Swimmy's learned a new trick! He could float on his back!"

Uh oh. "Umm Vlad, I think Swimmy's dead," Otis said examining the fish while Spotty was nibbling on the carcass of its companion. Ew.

Turns out, two betta fish aren't supposed to be in the same tank or they'll fight to the death.

Otis obviously didn't tell Vlad that though, "he died of happiness!" the vampire lied. What was Otis supposed to say, 'your pet your killed your other pet'?

Vlad sniffled, rubbing his eyes on his sleeves, "Swimmy was the best swimmer ever," Vlad declared. Then he renamed Spotty, the evil murdering little fish, Swimmy number 2. Being named after someone you killed is pretty morbid, is it not?

After returning the original Swimmy back into the ocean Otis relaxed on the arm chair in the middle while Vlad was quietly sniffling at the loss of his pet. It wasn't long before the doorbell rang though. Otis glared at the trick or treaters in annoyance. Not again.

"Ahhh zombies! Uncle Otis kill them!"

* * *

"Uncle Otis," Vlad called in the middle of the night, clutching Stripes tightly, "Stwipes had a nightmare."

Otis rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, "What about?" he asked the half-vampire.

"I had a dream about zombies," Vlad said, Otis sighed why was he not surprised? "Swimmy was a zombie too."

"Vlad everybody knows that zombies are the less scarier versions of vampires," Otis told the toddler.

Vlad tilted his head in confusion, "What do you mean?" he frowned.

"Vampires are superior to zombies in everyway possible, zombies are just cheap rip off versions of vampires."

"..." Vlad met his uncle with a blank stare.

Otis sighed, "Vampires can beat any zombie, and I promise to beat up any zombie that tries to hurt you."

"Pinky promise?" Vlad asked holding out his pinky.

"Pinky promise," Otis swore.

Vlad still looked a bit agitated, but he calmed down a lot, "Okay, thanks daddy."

Otis looked perplexed for a second, then grinned. Ha take that Tomas, he was cool enough to be called daddy!

**Most of the ideas in my story were actually based off my real life events that happened to me or my family members. Many of the crazy stuff Vlad did, I based off some of strange things I did as a child. Like those zombies, except I was terrified of evil killer dolls. I still have a small phobia of those evil porcelain dolls.**

**Vlad:that explains why I'm so messed up.**

**Me:BUT I wasn't that crazy, I was actually a good little toddler. I was a freaking child saint!**

**Vlad: I have a hard time believing that.**

***Sigh* this is it. Our last goodbye.**

**Vlad:don't go all cheesey on me and your readers.**

**Me:*sniffle* all right. Sadly most of my stories has been deleted, *sob* I worked so hard on them, but I've been allowed to keep two of my favorite stories up. **

**Vlad: well it was nice knowing you... but it's even better that you're not holding me captive anymore.**

**Me: well for old time's sake I guess I should...**

**Vlad:*suspiciously* you guess you should what?**

**Me: NOW MY PANDA ARMY ATTACK! *my army of pandas with bazookas attack Vlad***

**So bye for good everybody, and remember to check House-of-Blood profile for the continued version!**


End file.
